


70 Questions For Lindsey McDonald

by Menomegirl



Category: Angel The Series
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2005-12-11
Updated: 2005-12-11
Packaged: 2017-10-03 21:32:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,235
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22467
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Menomegirl/pseuds/Menomegirl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Challenge fic for nemo_gravis' "Reformed Watchers' Council Human Resources/Psychological Profiling" meme.</p>
            </blockquote>





	70 Questions For Lindsey McDonald

**Author's Note:**

> Set shortly after the events in the Angel episode _Underneath_.

**To: Angel@wolframandhartla.com  
From: Lindsey@wolframandhartla.com  
Subject: Re: Psych Evaluation**

 

 

1\. DO YOU SNORE?  
I don't know, you moron. Why don't you watch the video surveillance tapes?

2\. ARE YOU A LOVER OR A FIGHTER?  
Well, I kicked your ass. Twice. Don't even get me started on Darla, you asshole.

3\. WHAT'S YOUR WORST FEAR?  
At one point, I'd have said dying. But since you more or less forced me to face that fear, I'd say....none.

4\. AS A KID, WERE YOU A LEGO MANIAC?  
We couldn't afford toys.

5\. WHAT DO YOU THINK OF "REALITY" TV?  
I don't watch television.

6\. DO YOU CHEW ON YOUR STRAWS?  
Yes. Hey, I'm in this stupid cell and BORED, which is the only reason I'm filling this out.

7\. WERE YOU A CUTE BABY?  
I was always cute.

8\. IS THE SINGLE LIFE FOR YOU?  
What kind of sick question is that? God I hate your guts.

9\. WHAT COLOR IS YOUR KEYBOARD?  
Dark grey.

10\. DO YOU SING IN THE SHOWER?  
Yeah. Sure fucking do. As loud as I can. I hope it really bugs your ass too!

11\. HAVE YOU EVER BUNGEE JUMPED?  
No. I wouldn't put my own life in peril for anything as stupid and pointless as that.

12\. ANY SECRET TALENTS?  
You'll never know.

13\. WHAT'S YOUR IDEAL VACATION SPOT?  
Nepal. Learned a lot of fancy tricks there.

14\. IS JAY LENO FUNNY?  
I don't watch television.

15\. CAN YOU SWIM?  
Of course I can. Sheesh.

16\. HAVE YOU SEEN THE MOVIE "DONNIE DARKO"?  
Yeah. Why?

17\. DO YOU GIVE A DAMN ABOUT THE OZONE?  
Hell no. There are more important things to give a damn about.

18\. HOW MANY LICKS DOES IT TAKE TO GET TO THE CENTER OF A TOOTSIE ROLL POP?  
Wouldn't you just love to find out?

19\. CAN YOU SING THE ALPHABET BACKWARDS?  
I can sing anything, including all fifty states in alphabetical order.

 

20\. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN ON AN AIRPLANE?  
Yes. Have these questionnaires changed at all?

21\. ARE YOU AN ONLY CHILD?  
You know, I tried to tell you that once but you didn't give a damn. So...fuck you and everything you think you stand for.

22\. DO YOU PREFER ELECTRIC OR MANUAL PENCIL SHARPENER?  
Manual. It's just so satisfying imagining I'm sharpening a stake to dust your sorry ass with.

23\. WHAT'S YOUR STAND ON HUNTING?  
Depends on what the game is.

24\. IS MARRIAGE IN YOUR FUTURE?  
You couldn't take a few measly minutes to get that vapid secretary of yours to edit crap like that out?

25\. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING?  
My handwriting? Do you remember the evil hand?

26\. WHAT ARE YOU ALLERGIC TO?  
Vampires with a sorry excuse for a soul.

27\. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU SAID, "I LOVE YOU"?  
You're one sick bastard, you know that?

28\. IS ELVIS STILL ALIVE?  
I don't fucking know. I was in special projects, not entertainment. Go ask Lorne!

29\. DO YOU CRY AT WEDDINGS?  
No.

30\. HOW DO YOU LIKE YOUR EGGS?  
Over-easy, with bacon, hash browns and toast. Thank you so very much for giving me the opportunity to say how lousy the food is down here and what's up with the sporks? Hello? Ever heard of spoons, forks and table knives?

31\. ARE BLONDES DUMB?  
I hate you with the passion of a thousand burning suns.

32\. WHERE DOES THE OTHER SOCK END UP?  
Some other dimension, I think.

33\. WHAT TIME IS IT?  
I have no idea. There is no clock in here, no windows, nothing.

34\. DO YOU HAVE A NICKNAME?  
No and if that was some dig at my name? Your ass is grass and I'm gonna be the lawnmower. Like "Angel" is just _so_ manly.

35\. IS MCDONALD'S DISGUSTING?  
See answer 34.

36\. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU WERE IN A CAR, AND WHO WERE YOU WITH?  
I drive a truck. Don't you remember that?

37\. DO YOU PREFER BATHS OR SHOWERS?  
Depends on who I'm with.

38\. IS SANTA CLAUS REAL?  
Yes but from what I understand, he doesn't exactly hand out presents on Christmas Eve. In fact, I believe he's a mass murderer.

39\. DO YOU LIKE TO HAVE YOUR NECK KISSED?  
I refuse to answer that on the grounds that it might incriminate me.

40\. ARE YOU AFRAID OF THE DARK?  
Nope.

 

41\. WHAT ARE YOU ADDICTED TO?  
Nothing and I'm not obsessed with anything or anyone either, thank you very fucking much.

42\. CRUNCHY OR CREAMY PEANUT BUTTER?  
Neither.

43\. CAN YOU CRACK YOUR NECK?  
You're just fascinated with my neck, aren't you?

44\. HAVE YOU EVER RIDDEN IN AN AMBULANCE?  
Yes. But then, you knew that.

45\. HOW MANY TIMES HAVE YOU BRUSHED YOUR TEETH TODAY?  
Twice.

46\. IS DRUG FREE THE WAY TO BE?  
I suppose so, if you're stuck in a cell and your warden is a buzz-kill.

47\. ARE YOU A HEAVY SLEEPER?  
No, and I'm sure the video feed from this cell has already given you that answer.

48\. WHAT COLOR ARE YOUR EYES?  
Blue.

50\. DO YOU LIKE YOUR LIFE?  
At the moment? Not really but at least here, my heart isn't getting ripped out every day.

51\. DO YOU HAVE ANY TATTOOS OR PIERCINGS?  
Yeah, my ears are pierced and I **had** tattoos until you jerks magicked them off.

52\. ARE YOU PSYCHIC?  
No, but I had Spike fooled, didn't I?

53\. HAVE YOU READ "CATCHER IN THE RYE"?  
I've read all the classics. Speaking of, it would be fucking nice to have something to fucking read down here, you know.

54\. DO YOU PLAY ANY INSTRUMENTS?  
Guitar.

55\. HAVE YOU EVER STOLEN MONEY?  
You know...that homeless shelter was mostly Lilah's idea, not mine.

56\. CAN YOU SNOWBOARD?  
No. I hate being cold.

57\. DO YOU LIKE CAMPING?  
I can't remember the last time I went camping. I think I liked it.

58\. DO YOU SNORT WHEN YOU LAUGH?  
No.

59\. DO YOU BELIEVE IN MAGIC?  
Yes. I ought to. My body is steeped in it.

60\. ARE DOGS A MAN'S BEST FRIEND?  
Dogs are dogs, no more, no less.

61\. YOU BELIEVE IN DIVORCE?  
*shrugs* Whatever.

62\. CAN YOU DO THE MOONWALK?  
No. What a dumb question.

63\. DO YOU MAKE MANY MISTAKES?  
I have made some, yes. The most grating one right now is not chopping your head off, instead of running that sword right through that shriveled-up black hole you call a heart.

64\. IS IT COLD OUTSIDE TODAY?  
Again with the no fucking idea.

65\. WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU ATE?  
Something that resembled food. Are you trying to poison me down here?

66\. DO YOU WEAR NAIL POLISH?  
Hey, I was in college and black polish was cool.

67\. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN KISSED?  
I do the kissing and I'm damn fucking good at it, too.

68\. WHAT'S THE MOST ANNOYING TV COMMERCIAL?  
I don't watch television.

69\. DO YOU SHOP AT AMERICAN EAGLE?  
Like I can shop at the moment.

70\. FAVORITE BAND AT THE MOMENT?  
Me, myself and I, since I don't have anything else to listen to.

I'm also wondering just _why_ you brought me back? Just to ask me a few lame questions and stick me in this cell? That makes no sense but then why should that surprise me? You're an idiot.

Lindsey McDonald


End file.
